So this one is the most important decision that i had already taken before even coming to Finland, I had decided to go back after my masters, do research regarding the sustainability with technology, create some models and look for collaboration with industry and take the knowledge back to Nepal and do things.
Now, after almost 1 and half year, i have done more things and enjoyed in more ways than most of the people could imagine. Last night i was having a conversation with my friend from Nepal who has been living in Germany for almost 8 years and then i told him that I am packing things up and leaving for good next year, but he was like, just stay there’s a lot of opportunities and good life here. There might be some struggle, but it’s definitely worth it.
Another friend who was tipsy drunk told me, I am one of the chillest guy he’s met and he doesn’t think of me as a nepali guy, and feels like i should live here and rave. Both of their suggestions are good, but i have my own dreams and plans and i am not going to give up on my dreams getting stuck in some pleasure trips. I have been able to travel more than I had thought about, i have experienced life’s pleasure, guilt and sorrow and one thing is for sure, the desire never stops, it goes on. Now, i wanna tour US and the central america, go on a trip to SE asia before i head back to nepal.
Before, i feared being alone, now i have embraced myself and my individuality, more than that, i love my freedom and flexibility that my current job brings. People ask me to switch to a better paying job, but i know that’s just a fad, which will just deepen your attachment, first be ambitious and do all the hard work and work for the success of others, then after you have done your job really well, it’ll start getting boring and you just find resentment and want to switch to a better job with better pay, and benefits.
Another scenario is, when i return back to nepal, I have to live by other’s expectations and it’s very disheartening. I have to explain to everyone what i am doing, why i am doing and listen to everyone’s opinion and finally after carefully consideration come up to a decision. I think this process itself is very tiring and drains all of the energy trying to convince others that what you did is for best interest. I like being alone and doing things my way, cause i won’t have anyone else to blame for my failure, and that’s how i have been living my life for the past 10 years so far.
If i had listened and agreed to everyone, then i would have never traveled anywhere, and being the youngest in the family i have a lot of pressure to respect older’s decision. Most of the people don’t share the same share of fun, and there is always pressure from the society and neighbours about you. Nobody, knows how to mind their own business, everyone is a critic which is just waiting for you to fail and say that, “I told you so, you never listen”. And when it comes to help, everyone turns a blind eye until someone is really sick or dying, until then everyone has commented about you and the way you have degraded and let others down.
I understand there is too much pressure in nepal and a lot of struggle, but if every educated person stays abroad and live a life of comfort then nobody is going to change shit and always complain till their death. Some will say i had plans until i get a stable job here, some will stay for the family and for their children’s future. Some has health condition that would take too much of money to cure and can’t leave cause they get support here for free, some don’t wanna go back until they accumulate shit loads of money so they can do whatever they want when they go back. People always find reasons, for me, i won’t stay as long as i am young, i have energy, knowledge and skill. I know there is a high probability of failure, i will not be rich, or make impact on people’s life as i have imagined, but atleast i will not give up without trying. For the people in nepal don’t appreciate or respect you until you have money, cause the education can be bought and the culprits cannot be caught.
I think the things are changing fast, rather than slow, everyone knows what happens in the world in an instant and nobody wants to miss out on anything. Anyways, I like the way things are unfolding for me, and I have learned to ride the wave than drown on my thoughts.
Peace & Love.